Kitten Petters

I love petting Kittens

2009-01-13T14:18:00.000-08:00

KITTIES!!!!!!!!

2008-12-17T12:33:00.000-08:00

Kitties are cute! there I said it. They are fun to pet. There. there poop smells and makes me crazy but I think their cuteness trumps all. GO KITTENS!

Blog flog blog

2007-02-05T09:40:00.000-08:00

Take a beating for the Blogging!!!!!! Kittens are fun to pet... as long as my face doesn't explode

the smell of this bottle drove him crazy. cat toy.

2006-12-14T20:25:00.000-08:00

the kittie living nextdoor to bo diddly needed surgery.

2006-12-14T18:55:00.000-08:00

gainsville, fl. december 2004 (march 05?).

saving kittens where there are rats. hoyne st, rosco village, chicago.

2006-12-13T17:57:00.000-08:00

this was a catch and release.

we heard him screaming from upstairs next door and after a while decided to investigate. the kitten was stuck in the stairwell.

we had a good band of ferals in our yard. they lived in the garage which they accessed through a cat sized hole (which, ironicly, was probebly started by rats). the garage stunk of dead things and garbage and i imagined the inside as a boneyard for so many pompous and cockey northside rats. we dont have rats in my neighborhood, we have serious cats. for lack of rats they chase squirrels.

the stairwell belonged to some young tough guy cops... they were probably eating the other three (kittens)for dinner when we swooped in for Lil' Malcolm here..

i had a drum set there... third floor.

pictures for kitten petters

2006-11-11T14:39:00.000-08:00

Horse-shitting-gobbledy-gahwk

2006-10-05T22:11:00.000-07:00

So, recently found out where my middle name came from: my great-grandfather Guy McNary Philips. My folks almost named me guy, but since it couldn't possibly be explained to be derived from the yet-to-be-manifested Street Fighter character, they wisely chose to stick with Graham. Now, I don't really know anything about this dude, and he died when my dad was five or six, so he don't know shit, and my grandma died a few years back and I never had occassion to discourse with her on the topic, so we're all fucked in the dark. But, then my dad got a letter in the mail from some old chick from that side of the family, a little remembrance piece from some writing class she took, so i found out this guy (haha) was a deacon in his church, and also a Mason. Fuckin weird...and that's really all I got out of those six paragraphs. Oh, wait, I guess he said "dodurned" a lot as a cuss word. Fuck. I suppose nobody really gives a fuck, but I never got any sort of explanation of my name from my folks, so this sort of piques my interests.

Haikus Inspired By An Irish Landscape

2006-09-20T04:46:00.000-07:00

wooden jenga brick
tumbles from a top the tower
yogi starts orgy

thumbs up means you die
we have roman sport confused
thumbs down pirate scum

you are not pirates
you're land lubbin maidens with:
sumptuous asses

you have gotta stop!
qualifying ah baby
yeah our love baby

the thirty sixth of:
september; is your birthday,
you well-born bastard

donegal tweed hat
cane, moustache and cadillac
i like it like that

cows hallucinate
chewing grass is really grand
dont have a bad trip

give her the good ol'
cultural exchange tonite
she'll appreciate it

check for spelling errs
and hand in in the morning
wood and would and should

sometime tomorrow
you and i go and get high
only like the songs

popop acts like a bunch of assholes... geoff shoulders the blame.

2006-09-20T00:21:00.000-07:00

"...its my fault..." thats all.
we are all assholes... but this tues is my fault.

erics pirate ship.

2006-09-18T16:55:00.000-07:00

roatan honduras. yarg (sp).

violence erupts daily

2006-09-16T13:42:00.000-07:00

ciard researcher eric oij nimbly sidesteps a flying kick from the subject.

see post "devine providence" december 2005.

2006-08-28T15:28:00.000-07:00

Pet my kitten,
thats right,
nice and soft,
ooooh.

Yeah.

5...4...3...2...1...

2006-07-21T19:53:00.000-07:00

And while I'm at it...

2006-07-12T19:59:00.000-07:00

Here's a pro-life blogger who wrote a 100% serious response to...

AN ONION ARTICLE

Doesn't get worse than this...

His two entitled "Satire?" and "Summing up the onion flap" and this one continue to give evidence that he may not be one of the quickest people on the planet. THEN, he tries to play it off like he was not being serious the entire time. I'm calling bullshit on that one.

Here are the comments that were left (which he disabled but didn't delete):

Comments
Comments
Comments
(Comments)

Enough hatin'...i'm out

GS pep-talk from the island

2006-07-12T19:31:00.000-07:00

Just by chance, I checked up on the blog to find GS spitting vicious curses in my direction, though not without results.

Written apology: I'm Sorry

Excuse:I totally fuckin forgot my account info.

And to follow up my poor excuse for a blog entrance, I will leave you with amusing Zidane gifs (not of my own creation, unfortunately).

6 hit combo

Raging Demon

Have a peach, it's getting warm.

2006-06-10T01:59:00.000-07:00

Well, has it been a while? I would concede that it has. We've been so quiet these days that it's hard to not settle down. But of course that's not a conceivable option; alas, we just progress in different ways. I suppose it is time to subject the subjective, so i honor of GS I profer up Talks a lot, but doesn't mean a thing. Y'all can kiss my ass. HA!

island weed funny... good?

2006-05-20T11:45:00.000-07:00

the women here (locals) are... unbelievable. also local beer and you know what. i am sunburned but relaxed. one of my favorite things to do is watch the babies. baby people and pets and sealife.
actually, im not actually sure how old the sealife is that i have been keeping such a close eye on, but the things that these glowing night things do under water must be like how a young childs mind works. last night while my dad was out on the night dive i watched what looked like a living glow stick streamer (or maybe a lightning bug that was losing its payload) spin in random movements inside of an invisible orb floating in the water outside of my cabin. after his dive my dad got back and told me about the glowing strings of pearls that live in the sand trenches off the reef. he also mentioned a new anxiety that he had of being underwater in the darkness living off of a hose. like a baby. today he left, and its just me from here on out.
the phone in town goes up and down, i am so far away from everything.......... it is fucking great. people here are really nice, and when i want to sit alone, which is most of the time, i do. no one bothers me.

keep on doing your things.

ill see you guys soon.
by the way, where the fuck is chad cooney. we wrote a song for him and everything, and he dosnt even have the decency to post. i am on an island off the coast of honduras... and i post. i want a written apology and excuse.

roatan

2006-05-18T18:37:00.000-07:00

today i saw lots of rodents that are bigger than my cat. the cats here eat fish for good reason. there are also lots of puppies and adult dogs whose growth had been stunted from a steady diet of fruit and bread. im making notes and will give a full report soon. this place is crazy.

i leave you with this. i met a guy named beenut today. when he was a kid he used to try and knock down beehives, untill one day he did. as a result he was stung on the balls. they swelled up and everyone knew it. henceforth he has been known as beenut to everyone, including me. he is in his late thirties early fourties. five kids. oh yeah... also i was driving the jeep through the jungle and a bannana fell out of a tree in front of the car. i ran it over and was a little dissapointed when i didnt skid out of controll. if only it was just the peel, then the desired effect might have been achieved.

note

2006-05-15T20:16:00.000-07:00

it is important to remember why pavement is better than radiohead... and certainly the smashing pumpkins.

thank you kitten petters...

2006-05-08T11:15:00.000-07:00

"...so thank you kitten petters, for making me a better person."
-oij

graham has a new poetry blog which he prefers to call a concept blog. i have forgotten the name and url due to my occasional uselessness. maybe mr. e will been kind enough to post a link here so that we all may see his work. also i would like to get a link up on CIARD.com as i am working on a fairly comprehensive update of that site.

so thank you again kitten petters for making me a better person.

(p)didactidactyl.
talklikevideogames.blogspot.com

Hey!! Eric!!!

2006-05-07T23:56:00.000-07:00

bad spelling is ok, awful spelling is awful...i know that ain't your thing, but we have to have some standards, and as moderator, i'm putting you on double-secret-nonexistent-probation. carry on with trepidation, sir!

Elecrogravitation and the pyramids in egypt

2006-05-07T21:12:00.000-07:00

So, we all know that one of the great anomalies in history is the great pyramid in giza, and until now i did not understand why this was such an anomaly. the kings chamber at giza was built as a resonating chamber designed to harness energy, and may have been the first pyramid built, over 12000 years ago. there are no paintings on the walls, the sarcophogous is empty and shows signs of heating and a huge explosion. this pyramid has been linked to the pyramids on mars, which exhibit many similarities to it, but who knows these may be a natural phenomenon, and it could have been a fluke that the egyptions built the pyramids in this way, but they coincide with a complex frequency of ~8iHz. it has also been shown in this field that everything relates back to the golden ratio or pi, which is a number that dictates the structure of everything. more info to come. i just got into this and the kitten petters must be informed.

Magical Magnetic Kitties

2006-05-06T19:04:00.000-07:00

Magnetic storms effect us every day, magnetism rules and kittens will be used in the ultimate magnetism experiment, because they are extremly furry and will be able to transport big solenoids on their backs and make large random magnetic fields to their designs, they will conquer us all with their ablility to magnetize big hunks of iron... Here Kitty Kitty Kitty

that was the opposite of fun

2006-05-06T09:32:00.000-07:00

as if i am one to talk...

crumble oh cruel world

2006-04-30T22:43:00.000-07:00

When I think I might have it figured out, new info comes to show that I am crumbling

in the last 3 days...

I have general anxiety
I am too polite
I don't practice enough
I learn concepts too fast, and don't spend enough time on the rest
I can't explain anything to anyone
I can't express emotions
I don't know anything about the workings of relationships, and I fear rejection
It will take me 3 more years to finish my degree if I do what I want to do
If I do get my degree, I probably will not get into a master program because of my past grades and inherent ablilty to destroy myself
I am brilliant, but it will never show

I am inadiquite... I can't spell, I can only express emotions through music, and I suck at it. I cant write lyrics, and my bass lines are boring. My personality is inherently flawed, I wont have my bachleors degree until I am 26, and I drink too much. Where will I be?

On the bright side, I could get my degree, and "succeed" in the great substructure that is the earth, and be a part of the "great human influence", the influence that had been slowly destroying our planet over the past 10,000 years, just a speck in the greater entity which is our galaxy, which is just a speck in our universe, which is a speck in the larger fabric from which we are all created.

Radioactive Radiatore and its Repercussions

2006-04-30T18:26:00.000-07:00

I'm devising a warhead (and a damned big one at that) to be dropped upon villages, towns, nation-states, municipalities, etc., that will deliver fatal, even catastrophic damage to nothing in it's path with the exception of Italian restaurants. More to come on this subject in due time, once i work out how to make a warhead that can sniff out semolina and/or chicken parmigiana (either will do, they are both essential to the proper operation of italian cuisine). Soon to come: warheads for-to destroy any other type of eating establishment, but the wops get it first...damn...

dont you dare post here. especially if you were invited and have failed to do so already.

2006-04-26T09:46:00.000-07:00

...and dont you dare practice the things that i would like you to practice... and dont you dare not be too hung over to... ok well...

and dont you dare say my priorities are different than yours...and dont you dare ask how we can work towards the same ends?

reciprocity is a courtesy and im sick of people being so "polite".

do what you want, and leave me out of this.

that having been said... for my part i'll start with this... painting is not part of a discourse except to painters. i dont give a shit.

Lessons in Horticulture

2006-04-20T22:07:00.000-07:00

This is a cat. This is what happens to cats. At one point or another, they take a nose dive, their splayed and splattered kitten bodies are no longer suitable to contain their kitten souls. And so they move on...

Instead of doing things, i make lists of things to do. todays list...

2006-04-12T07:11:00.000-07:00

-call oij about the computer.
-spend all money.
-use the bathroom... time it well.
-jump out from behind trees... scare people.
-make more art about pottie humor.
-be happy... everything is not a joke... not sad... nothing can be seriouse.

also...
-michigan doors.
-mozart.
-video/ check psych.andress.edu about papers.

Fire in my hole....

2006-03-14T11:05:00.000-08:00

So possibly my biggest pet peeve ever is when people misspell my name. "Grahm" is unacceptable. It pisses me off even more that it was a person as close to me (i love him) as goeff. see, i'm making a point there...doesn't your name look stupid when spelled thusly, you bigot? Not to mention the fact that there is a very popular children's snack item that includes my name (in its true spelling, or maybe one of its true spellings) as it's main descriptive term. believe me, i know, i've been called and calling myself "graham-cracker" for roughly 2 decades. thats a damn long time to get accustomed to something, and to be certain of it beyond any doubt. Therefore: don't forget the second "A" you fuck(s, just in case anyone else has the same problem).

Graham

to meah and beyond

2006-02-25T10:47:00.000-08:00

"parts of pieces of people" or "gs and the concurrers"?

more obscene songs about animals and me... and other people.

grahm got my crash symbol stuck and cracked around a piece of metal yesterday. he was standing over it pulling up and i was banging on the bottom trying to pop it off. i decided to stop what i was doing so as to not hit grahm in the face with a big piece of metal. i mean he's crankey enough when he hasnt had any thing to eat. i got a firm grip and thought i had controll over my upward pressure. i didnt. it popped up and hit grahm in the face. the lip more precisly. he had to go and scrounge for tips in less than an hour
"am i cut bad?"
"uh... no... sorry man"
there was a small deep cut right on the beak of his upper lip.
some time passed.
"i feel like i have a fat lip... can you guys see... is this bad?"
"no... im so sorry though... i cant s..."
oij- "dude... you have a beak!"

new songs... im gonna post some demos on ciard soon... also if anyone else has demos sound/ songwriting experiments they want to post... send em over. im going to set up a sort of online comp of the music that is made each week. highlinghts from meah... any thing i record that is new as well as anything that anyone else wants to post of thier weekly struggle. uh.

dear brian ulrich's class

2006-02-18T15:46:00.000-08:00

I am an American. As an American (in lieu of decent healthcare, I believe) I am entitled to break down in front of a bunch of strangers on the internet each and every valentines day (as well as any other day I so choose) and shame myself with my vulgar, bitter quips on whatever subject I like.

I appreciate your concern for my public image. I could probably use a good pr team in my corner... but if this happens again, I’ll be forced to pepper you in the face with bird shot from a safe (even comical) distance when nobodies watching. Not even your liberal media will be able to save you then.

(before you all go off and start whining to the administration that I am threatening to run for office… or make your faces swell up like inside out Chinese checker boards, just remember, you threatened me first. I have my honor to protect, you know. If I have to, I’ll swill whiskey and stroke gunmetal with the most distinguished statesmen, just to teach you all... hold on, my vegan sissy burger is ready…)

for your information, this sort of "10 am, haven’t slept, might still be a little drunk from last night but I’ve somehow already been to school and back" rant is "the other" part of my art. Don’t you like art?

Fuck.

Furthermore, I do kiss my mother with this mouth. She seems to very understand, about the mess, that is. I think she is just amazed that I was able to finally start leaving the last part off of the parenthood/ childhood favorite "godamit Geoffrey." it took a while though. It’s like when I was a kid and I thought both of my good friend's parents were named "chucknbev". I think I varied the inflection some how to address one or the other in particular... but now I have gotten off task.

watch your ass(s).

Sincerely,

Geoff

Ps My little sister might call you bitches… she is not a very good American, but better than I maybe. In my economy it’s the men that make 70 cents for every dollar that women do. And Christ, don’t even get me started on policy.

be mine? (so that you may be amongst my possesions)

2006-02-14T07:42:00.000-08:00

Get fucked, fuckers. i learned a lot about psych. this morning... i decided not to go see mouse parade and del rey last night (for free(like an asshole)) so i could get some sleep. I couldnt though... in fact, not even five minuts. The moon was bright all night and then the sun came up and I went to school.

if you celebrate this evening... i hope you get herpes or turn into zombies or somthing. i know im bitter... but... no thats all, just bitter... and really tired.

tortoise and bonnie prince billy have a "thunder road" cover on the new record. i dont know about the album yet, but thunder road... you know... it makes so much sense... i would have never thought... it is a good thing to listen to on repeat at any time of day or night or very early morning.

something about a cat.

ciard

2006-02-11T16:06:00.000-08:00

well... take a look... tell me what you think. right now, some things are broken and its a little cumbersom and some things need a sp check and other things need to make thier way up there in the first place and links need to be updated for new sites and lots of work needs to be done... but here is a ciard 1.0. for those of you involved with the organization feel free to contact me with ideas and criticism.
thanks
gs
ps
i need your papers and art for publishing... its kinda looking like the geoff carr show up there (and pat, but i need more of his art and words and imput as wel)
CIARD http://ciard.com/

something i am particularly fond of is the chris reilly video game demo for the temp hq. here is a short cut to that. you need quicktime 7 and a little time to download some of the videos... my recomendation is that you get quicktime 7 and wait for the downloads... its worth it just to see pat and geoffs work get blowed up like that. http://ciard.com/ciard/ciardframeset.html

dr. stupid was staying with us again, for a short time, while his parents were busy having a real baby. hes gone now. i miss him. its like we live in one big half full cat toy now. its unfortunate that damage and stupid had to fall into such an ill fated semi long distance relationship like this... so it goes. you can be sure though, there never was a purer love. febuary 14th is Canadian Ian's birday... let us celebrate him together instead of a more predictable homage paid to the candy companies and patron saints of touchey subjects.

Dream of ferret fornication

2006-01-24T13:39:00.001-08:00

Wow, well, as supreme overlord of kittenpetters worldwide, and as magistrate and moderator of this display of blogness, i regret to inform all who read this that i am sadly lacking cattens on whom to discourse. But truly i tell thee: a ferret is a nominally similar variety of domesticated beast which is also nice to pet. sometimes fenton gets excited and scampers to and fro, biting toes and making a general nuisance of himself (shitting in the free masons closet, shitting in his food bowl, shitting everywhere he can find a corner, etc.). he also likes to frolic in his tube, and bite the chins and noses of curious in-lookers. so be wary of ferret tubes and also wormholes. geoff, its been a while or a wheel, how are things/YOU?

phillips head adult?

2006-01-23T18:48:00.000-08:00

pat got angry at the cat. the cat bit him.

when peter first moved to carbondale, he told me he was having a hard time living with his older brothers girlfriends child. They argued all the time and the younger allegedly just "picked away" at elder. the kid was five.

part of what we love about peter is the child in him.

I need an adult

2006-01-22T22:32:00.000-08:00

2006-01-21T18:24:00.000-08:00

kitty had a great vacation. he was well behaved and only tried to eat that cocky little chipmunk of a sugar glider once.
me to... dont tell anyone that dosnt know already, but pat gives great back massages (poolside).

I thought everyone knew it was "divine"

2006-01-17T13:52:00.000-08:00

You've certainly done a good job at outsmarting and outposting me, fine sir stuart. thats all about to change. I haven't gotten laid in months, and that may something to do with my capricious attitude, but i haven't started trying. GS, will you go to prom with me? I've been in love since i first laid eyes upon you. the way you glance coyly across the room, your fuzzy belly, your flowing locks, everything says yes...but you still say no? or was it know? regardless: i need some booty baby, you gonna bend over or what?

2005-12-14T11:05:00.000-08:00

Devine Providence: This week my father finds himself in another place which was once inhabited by the Romans. The Romans, as you my know, have since evolved into the people who now inhabit present day Italy and Vatican city...This is not to say that my father is anywhere near either of these two locations.

The subject is out of his fucking mind.

There has been a change in intensity of existing tendencies in the subject’s physical relationship with other objects/ entities in his environment in the last two weeks.

For a time there was a toy consisting of a plastic dowel about 2 ft long with a string (also about 2 ft, maybe a little longer) connecting the dowel to a weighted end made from a bead, a bell, and a feather. The feather went first. The toy could coax the subject to leap 3 ft in the air, over and over again, for as long as any playmate could hang in there. We used it through several complex knot repairs and broken strings, but, after a while, it was just broken.

For a couple of days things got bad. We wandered aimlessly the floor plan of the “snug” apartment, all of us regretting that one, last tug that broke the subjects toy. I should have made the next one, because it is such a simple design, but instead I spent my last seven dollars on a new one with some crazy feathers and a stuffed fish with a bell as the weight (maybe I just felt like going shopping in the middle of the day… maybe I was drunk… who knows).

With a couple of practice sessions the new toy was working splendidly and we even began to track what tricks/ flips we can make him do with different wrist flipping techniques. Pat did teach him a back flip which apparently is showing up quite a bit in the “hilarious things the subject does when startled” charts. Back to work.

Within a few days of these events there came to be a massive, two part influx… no, Diaspora (Note: I was once in a band that was called Diaspora. We called it dee-a-spora or is it die-ass-pora?) of sticky products into the environment.

Phase 1: Holy shit, giant stickey hands in the target Halloween section… hurry (steal them if you can. This isn’t a commercial). I got two packs for the temporary headquarters but opening night most of them made there way back to the permanent space for the “after party” and mayhem ensued (mostly wrestling, though). There was quite a mess after that first night and there is still even as I record these words. Over the course of the next few days the subject would wade fearlessly into the masses of trash and cowardly flailing bodies ten, maybe twelve times his size to join in the violence and hopefully reclaim his modest new subject hood. When not engaging in public events, he pranced around showing off his new toys, building roads in the debris and picking fights.

Phase 2: After several days of this, pat (again, on an unrelated CIARD mission) found himself at a target in aurora and decided to double check the Halloween section. Enter, more giant sticky hands, giant sticky rats, and lots of bouncy balls. The subject went insane with the divine providence we had bestowed upon him. He bit my feet and screamed for me to wake up. “look at all of my toys,” he would say, if he could ( but he cant and its not just the thumb thing either) And there he would be, haunched at the end of a path of flattened garbage, knocked over beer bottles and recently scattered vitamin containers, gloating. Gloating because he knew where all of the toys were.

Bouncy balls: all in the bathroom

Rats: hallway strategically placed between my room, pat’s and the bathroom.

Stringy toy: stuck in an impossible knot somewhere or, all the way under the door and into pats room.

Sticky hands: scattered about, in pieces, getting pretty dirty.

So: we took the biggest stickiest, most intact rat and whipped it up at the ceiling. It stuck for hours while the subject alternated from pacing furiously, directly below and climbing to the highest, most precarious point and stretching a few more inches into the huge gap between his paw and the rat on the ceiling. All of this he did without taking his eyes from the rat (for hours) and so great was his grief that he screamed at the top of his lungs and seemed to go mad from the loss of one of his flock.

The subject later retaliated by breaking several ceramic cups and refusing to drink his own (fresh) water.

back to the issue at hand

2005-12-01T17:26:00.000-08:00

it was just the other day that i was boasting of my cats not having rung that poo bell any where he shouldnt since we moved here. he poops and pees on top of his litterbox house. twice now. he needs to get petted?

Roses!

2005-11-28T21:22:00.000-08:00

this is like battle ship with cats and semantics. oh yeah... http://talklikevideogames.blogspot.com/

You haven't changed

2005-11-28T16:04:00.000-08:00

get out of those nasty rags, you whore. i bet you're drunk diseased and disheveled. but those is some nice pointers.

2005-11-28T11:11:00.000-08:00

Meow Team Go

2005-11-24T14:01:00.000-08:00

Undercover bathrobes and majestic magistrates of wisdom. Can you dig it? Feel it if you must, its been a long time cumming, the downpour was Grade A torrentious. Unbeknownst to most, the liquid is five percent intoxication, twenty-seven percent abbreviation, and three Swedish gnomes. Trial by Choir.