crumble oh cruel world

When I think I might have it figured out, new info comes to show that I am crumbling

in the last 3 days...

I have general anxiety
I am too polite
I don't practice enough
I learn concepts too fast, and don't spend enough time on the rest
I can't explain anything to anyone
I can't express emotions
I don't know anything about the workings of relationships, and I fear rejection
It will take me 3 more years to finish my degree if I do what I want to do
If I do get my degree, I probably will not get into a master program because of my past grades and inherent ablilty to destroy myself
I am brilliant, but it will never show

I am inadiquite... I can't spell, I can only express emotions through music, and I suck at it. I cant write lyrics, and my bass lines are boring. My personality is inherently flawed, I wont have my bachleors degree until I am 26, and I drink too much. Where will I be?

On the bright side, I could get my degree, and "succeed" in the great substructure that is the earth, and be a part of the "great human influence", the influence that had been slowly destroying our planet over the past 10,000 years, just a speck in the greater entity which is our galaxy, which is just a speck in our universe, which is a speck in the larger fabric from which we are all created.

Radioactive Radiatore and its Repercussions

I'm devising a warhead (and a damned big one at that) to be dropped upon villages, towns, nation-states, municipalities, etc., that will deliver fatal, even catastrophic damage to nothing in it's path with the exception of Italian restaurants. More to come on this subject in due time, once i work out how to make a warhead that can sniff out semolina and/or chicken parmigiana (either will do, they are both essential to the proper operation of italian cuisine). Soon to come: warheads for-to destroy any other type of eating establishment, but the wops get it first...damn...

dont you dare post here. especially if you were invited and have failed to do so already.

...and dont you dare practice the things that i would like you to practice... and dont you dare not be too hung over to... ok well...

and dont you dare say my priorities are different than yours...and dont you dare ask how we can work towards the same ends?

reciprocity is a courtesy and im sick of people being so "polite".

do what you want, and leave me out of this.

that having been said... for my part i'll start with this... painting is not part of a discourse except to painters. i dont give a shit.

Lessons in Horticulture

This is a cat. This is what happens to cats. At one point or another, they take a nose dive, their splayed and splattered kitten bodies are no longer suitable to contain their kitten souls. And so they move on...

Instead of doing things, i make lists of things to do. todays list...

-call oij about the computer.
-spend all money.
-use the bathroom... time it well.
-jump out from behind trees... scare people.
-make more art about pottie humor.
-be happy... everything is not a joke... not sad... nothing can be seriouse.

also...
-michigan doors.
-mozart.
-video/ check psych.andress.edu about papers.